regarding kaeya not realizing ppl hit on him in hangout, i think its not like general case that he never gets it, its something that goes back to his transactional view of interactions
like due to his low self esteem and being burned on close connections, he can’t process people being nice to him or wanting to be around him without any “reward”. He needs to put every interaction into “I receive X, you receive Y” framing, this is why he uses his “favors” list.
like he consciously tries to at least form a group of people who he can count on liking him and wanting to spend time with him without immediate reward (him explaining friends vs informants in hangout, his voice line of “lets not make this relationship transactional” to the traveler and so on), but even then he reflexively keeps trying to “reward” friends for interactions
and for him, being nice and friendly with someone and listening to them is also a type of reward. This is literally what he does as spymaster in a tavern, he charms people into telling him secrets, which is basically “You receive me being nice and friendly to you, I receive info\favors, etc”. So when someone unprompted gives HIM the “nice and friendly to you” attention, he’s like ??? ok what do you want out of this tho
so like, i think if someone hit on him with like clear lets get out of the club rn intentions, he would process it easily, bc “reward” person wants out of him is sex. but when its like group of strangers (i.e. not in “friends who like me without bribes” group) who are nice and friendly, but are not openly stating clear reward goal in return, it doesn’t parse for him that its bc he’s hot and they like him, and thats how normal human attraction works
i think he was not like oblivious completely with the sumeru guys, but actually a bit paranoid at first at them like haha great and what do i owe for your hospitality then, and they were just normal pp like??? chill, nothing, we’re just having a good time. at which point he went ???? i guess they’re in a good mood??? if they are just giving out positive interactions for nothing??? wow sumeru is an outlet huh
also he’s not shy. he picks up criminal in a tavern and gets them to tell their secrets. he enjoys public performance and improvisation. he walked up to a stranger and said he’s Nigerian Mond prince Albert Rich and brazenly scammed him. he walked out in a new costume, saw director literally crying sobbing at the sight and was like “huh? is that all it took?”
kaeya has intersection of bad self esteem, guilt, self-loathing and chronic “i don’t belong” syndrome that make him withdraw from people, and this also combines with him wanting genuine connection, but only interacting with ppl through the pleasant mask leaves him unsatisfied and he fucks off bc he thinks what ppl want from him is him performing a charming persona.
he’s not shy, he’s whatever emotional equivalent of touch starved is when he thinks he’s like. radioactive to touch.
silly little thought time about the poppy war from a silly person thinking: [SPOILERS]
i hate the way some characters treated rin in tpw; the poppy war is all about cycles, and i think the biggest mirror is evidently altan and rin. the last speerlies, commander of the cike, control the phoenix, angry, addicted to opium, hurt who they love, went to sinegard - and SUCCEEDED at sinegard, too young for war, etc.
but there were some things that weren’t the same; rin was about three years younger than altan when she started commanding the cike. altan also knew how to use the trident since he was very young; like three/four and he pretty much mastered how to use weaponry. he was competent and had more experience than rin, since he was with the cike longer than rin was, while rin had about a year and became commander as soon as altan died, which was pretty emotionally scarring considering she becomes the ‘last speerly’ and carries altan’s legacy on her shoulders.
but everyone kind of treats rin like altan; as if she isn’t allowed to make the same mistakes as him, or even any mistakes at all. when she is addicted to opium, or angry, or wants to fight, they are irritated with her; ‘altan wouldn’t do this’, ‘if altan were alive’. but rin isn’t altan, they’re so astronomically not one another even though they ARE similar. rin carries the epithet of ‘the last speerly’ differently to altan - rin is a war orphan, she doesn’t remember speer, the first time she really is on speer is blowing up the mugenese after altan’s death: emotional, angry, raw, vulnerable, pained. altan remembers speer, he was happy on speer. altan is happy (as happy as you can be being the last of your kind after everyone you knew and loved were victims of a genocide your royalty sold you out for?) being the last speerly, but rin doesn’t know how to carry it because rin doesn’t remember speer, she hardly knows speer or the language or anything from it except it’s bloody history and the angry phoenix that goads her on and haunts her fucking mind.
the exact same thing for commander of the cike. altan had been in the cike so much longer than rin; he also completed the entirety of his sinegard training, and while sinegard was flawed, it definitely helped him become a commander and a strategist. altan knew his way around the cike, how everything worked, how to ‘cull’. when rin joins the cike, she had pretty much just learnt about the pantheon, didn’t know how to control - or even summon - the phoenix, and the only real example of a commander of the cike was altan trengsin, who everyone compared her to and she was pretty much just altan’s legacy. she loved him, she was in awe of him, and he was abusive and angry and volatile and overworked and spiteful and addicted to opium and secretive and traumatised. she wanted to be like altan because everyone treated her as if she couldn’t be anything else.
everyone wants rin to be altan, but she hardly even knew who altan was let alone how he controlled his powers or what fuelled him. rin makes unbelievably bad decisions - and so does altan, he does not have it any easier than rin - but everyone treats her like shit for not being altan as if he would do it differently when he really wouldn’t. if she can’t control the fire, ‘but altan could, and better!’; i guess that was why she was so adamant to use the trident. it was altan’s, perhaps she could be better than altan at something, but it just reinforced that though she was a mirror of altan, she was a failure at it. she was always less than altan in some capacity. reshaping the trident into swords was her way of regaining some shape of herself, and yet, in the end none of it mattered, because she became altan trengsin, just like she wanted, killing herself on her homeland that she doesn’t know anymore.
all this to say: justice for rin, my girl deserved better <3
Kaeya runs after Klee across the vast and open grasslands of Mondstadt. Their giggles are scattered by the winds, sounding much like a duet between wind chimes and piano keys.
Diluc stares in wonder from a distance.
He swears he could see his father chasing both him and Kaeya across the very same fields. He could hear their giggles- like a symphony, being scattered by the same winds. His father scoops down and reaches for the red and blue blurs. He manages to capture the both of them, eliciting loud laughter and protests.
Then Diluc blinks.
The illusion falls. It was Kaeya, not their father, who managed to capture the giggling little girl instead of two young boys, spinning her around as he hugged her tightly.
Diluc may have his father’s hair.
His father’s nose.
His father’s mind.
He still isn’t like his father at all. In his opinion, his similarities with the man are all superficial.
Diluc feels an ache in his chest as he continues to observe the duo dance together, as if they were in their own little world.
Diluc turns around and walks back home alone with one thought in mind.
Kaeya is like their father in the ways that mattered the most.
This was my piece for the Ragbro Zine “A Bridge Rebuilt” (abridgerebuiltzine.carrd) Everyone did such a fantastic job so I highly recommend checking it out!! You can find our official account on insta @ ragbroszine
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